Wieners of the Week

Paul McCartney - who recently refused to sign a fan's bum at a concert. Come on, Paul! Be a rockstar! Sign the bum!

Surplus Questions - Today at work I was looking for a booking sheet because I thought something might have been misbooked and I wanted to double check before I started flinging accusations like a monkey flings his poo. So I asked one of the people from the team that handles that sort of thing, and then this happened:

Me: "Do you know where the booking forms for next week are?"
Them: "Why do you need them?"
Me: "Um, I need to check something. Have you seen them?"
Them: "What do you need to check?"
Me: "Just some costings. Do y-"
Them: "What's the client's name? I can check it for you."

I don't want you to check it for me, I want to know where the booking forms are! Obviously mixed in with the booking forms is a secret code with the location of the newspaper's secret bunker. Gah.

Cat Stevens - I'm sorry, I don't actually have a reason for this one. Something about Cat Stevens just really irritates me.

Dreaming about work - Because it's so fucking depressing to wake up knowing that you wasted your entire dream time doing exactly the same thing you do every day, except on a boat with your cat. It's horrible. Why does the brain - brain, you wiener - do this? Why, when I could be dreaming about flying through space on a unicorn on my way to a date with Clive Owen who has totally already sent me dirty text messages, do I dream about not filing my paperwork properly and having to have a departmental meeting? Band dreams fall into the same category. I had three band dreams the other night - in the first two I got shouted at for marching badly and in the third one I made out with our soprano player. I can do those things any day of the week! (Except for the soprano player, he's married.)

Twilight - Pretty much everyone associated with Twilight is tarred with the amusingly shaped brush of wienerdom. Except that kid that plays the werewolf. He's pretty hot. (I'm in the process of watching the second movie as we speak and it is just... it is just a combination of bad acting and gratuitous shirtlessness.)

Twieners - People who are wieners on Twitter.

You know, those people who manage to fit being pompous, self-righteous, arrogant and hideously misinformed into 140 characters. Looked at that way, it's kind of a gift. Imagine the effort it must take to be offended by everything in the world and talk about it constantly. Do you guys know Yelling Bird? Sometimes it just seems like Twitter is a whole bunch of obnoxious fuckwits shouting about how your sandwich offends three different minorities.

Jared Leto - now here is a man who takes himself way too seriously.

WAAAAAY too seriously.

His blog is called Notes from the Outernet. Really.

Also he tweets in all caps. Constantly. Insensibly. Reading his Twitter feed is like watching a hyperactive three-year old tell you about his day - it's kind of cute (he tweets photos of rainbows and starfish and rivers and, well, anything that gets in front of his camera) but it also sort of gives you a headache.

"WHACHU LOOKING AT! (link to picture of fish)"

"WORKED ON THISISWAR VIDEO ALL NIGHT. SUN IS RISING...TIME FOR DREAMS. GOODNIGHT KINGS AND QUEENS XO"


"SWEET POTATOES. RT @amyisfact: mhmm @jaredleto IS RIPPED."

Hey! Hey, Twitter followers! This chick just said I was RIPPED SWEET POTATOES XO LINK TO PICTURE OF FIIIIISH

Oh my God, Jared Leto. Oh. My. God.