Saturday, July 31, 2010

Baking Factory OMG

Do you know what I want? A Facebook app that automatically posts "I DON'T GIVE A SHIIIIIT" in reply to all and any status updates spawned by Farmville or Frontierville or Mob Wars or Baking Life or any of those SimLife things. I can't believe Baking Life is an actual thing. First thing this morning, I logged on to be smacked in the face by this:

'Sharon was baking when a lost little puppy wandered into her baking factory!'

First of all, baking factory? For real? Just call it a fucking bakery. I'm pretty sure Sharon's operation isn't large enough to merit a Factory tag. I'm pretty sure Sharon isn't mass-producing cupcakes for the equinox or anything. I tried to go and check it out but became distracted by all the things you can put in your bakery sorry whoops baking factory. So distracted that I made a little collection of it:

Anyway, my point was, Sharon, you need to get that fucking puppy out of your lame-ass "baking factory" ASAP because that shit is not hygienic. I might be missing the point of Baking Factory but I'm pretty tempted to send out an update saying "HEALTH WARNING: DO NOT EAT AT SHARON'S BAKERY OR YOU WILL PROBZ GET FOOD POISONING AND DIE."
Facebook: promoting bad food safety standards since 2010.

I just got another status update, this time from Frontierville: "Kate is exploding with love at reputation 16!" Does she... does she run a frontier brothel? That's not very family-friendly, Facebook.

That's all really. I gotta go get ready for this masked ball tonight. I am at the stage where I am still in jeans with primer* on face and coffee in hand, wondering vaguely what shoes to wear. I did, however, put my mask together with masking tape and the linguistic justice of that made my day.

Have a good weekend, everyone! Don't catch anything.

p. s. I just did a test in poorly-named teen girl magazine Cream and it turns out I am the perfect girl for Justin Bieber. Who knew?

*it's a thing you put on your face before foundation, just like when you're painting the kitchen. Apparently it helps the first coat of foundation go on smoother but so far its main purpose appears to be 'be expensive.'


Corinna said...

so many conflicting emotions! First of all, I initially read your post to say that there WAS an app like that, so I got all excited because I NEED this app. Then, slight disappointment followed by snickering, giggling and laughing at the rest of your post. Also saw a magazine at Countdown today titled "Justin Bieber forever!" with the appropriate tween curlicues and bubblefont - reckon you need that if you're the perfect girl for it (it has yet to be proven to me that this thing is indeed male, or human for that matter)?
Enjoy your mask(ed) ball!

PurpleLily said...

Just this morning the status of a FB friend read "if anyone else sends me a farmville request i will burn down their crops and steal their sheep Baaaaa"

Have fun at the ball:)

WV: hymen (seriously)

*uncorked said...

I just immediately de-friend anyone who shares shit like that. Done. You're out.

slommler said...

ROFL!!!! Makes the make up go on smoother huh? Yep...a money sucker for sure.
And you could be Justin's mate? How cool is that?
Who the hell is Justin Bieber??
Have fun at the masked ball...actually sounds kind of fun!

chris.dadness said...

What in heck is going on with your WVs - they've gone all downstairs. Mine was "repurmen", so I'm going to pretend it said "balls"

chris.dadness said...

Shit shit shit the next one was Peene

IT IS ALLY said...

Corinna - I wish there WAS an app like that! Do you know developers? I don't. I can't fix it. I am actually in the process of designing my Bieber tattoo - is difficult because I don't want it to overlap with my R.Patz one and there's only so much room on my boob.

Lily - Hahahahaha that's awesome. I might steal that.

V - Ooh. Harsh but fair.

SueAnn - He is tweeny pop star! Not really a good match for me but on the plus side he does have money. You're right about primer, waste of money! But does make skin feel quite soft so will probably buy it again!

Chris - AHAHAHA that second comment was gold.

otherworldlyone said...

I've started deleting people because all they ever have are updates that say, "So-in-so would like to give you this egg!" "So-in-so found an egg in there blah". Fuck your stupid facebook eggs! Get a life.

I have no use for makeup primer. It's dumb. And that's coming from a part time makeup artist.

A teen girl's magazine called "Cream"? You've GOT to be kidding me?