Do you know what I want? A Facebook app that automatically posts "I DON'T GIVE A SHIIIIIT" in reply to all and any status updates spawned by Farmville or Frontierville or Mob Wars or Baking Life or any of those SimLife things. I can't believe Baking Life is an actual thing. First thing this morning, I logged on to be smacked in the face by this:
'Sharon was baking when a lost little puppy wandered into her baking factory!'
First of all, baking factory? For real? Just call it a fucking bakery. I'm pretty sure Sharon's operation isn't large enough to merit a Factory tag. I'm pretty sure Sharon isn't mass-producing cupcakes for the equinox or anything. I tried to go and check it out but became distracted by all the things you can put in your bakery sorry whoops baking factory. So distracted that I made a little collection of it:
Anyway, my point was, Sharon, you need to get that fucking puppy out of your lame-ass "baking factory" ASAP because that shit is not hygienic. I might be missing the point of Baking Factory but I'm pretty tempted to send out an update saying "HEALTH WARNING: DO NOT EAT AT SHARON'S BAKERY OR YOU WILL PROBZ GET FOOD POISONING AND DIE."
Facebook: promoting bad food safety standards since 2010.
I just got another status update, this time from Frontierville: "Kate is exploding with love at reputation 16!" Does she... does she run a frontier brothel? That's not very family-friendly, Facebook.
That's all really. I gotta go get ready for this masked ball tonight. I am at the stage where I am still in jeans with primer* on face and coffee in hand, wondering vaguely what shoes to wear. I did, however, put my mask together with masking tape and the linguistic justice of that made my day.
Have a good weekend, everyone! Don't catch anything.
p. s. I just did a test in poorly-named teen girl magazine Cream and it turns out I am the perfect girl for Justin Bieber. Who knew?
*it's a thing you put on your face before foundation, just like when you're painting the kitchen. Apparently it helps the first coat of foundation go on smoother but so far its main purpose appears to be 'be expensive.'