And now, some wieners!
Internet newbies, specifically the ones which have just discovered lolcats. I mean, I enjoy a good lol as much as the next person, but when someone starts emailing me all excited because LONGCAT IS LONG!!!11 and then forwards 10 motivational posters, all of which I have seen before, it gets annoying. Longcat has been long since 2005. This is the Internet equivalent of running round to play your friend this great band you've just discovered and it's the Beatles.
Hotel milk packets.
Is it possible to open one of these without spraying milk all over your pants and the minibar? No. And then there is not enough milk left in the pottle for your cup of tea and so you have to open another pottle and now all the towels are covered in milk and also there is tea everywhere because while trying to open the third milk packet you lost control and whacked your elbow into the cup of tea and oh my God, let's just have a glass of wine and I don't care that it's breakfast time we are on holiday and I will drink what I want and I am taking my wine into the shower now and when I get out I expect you to have called room service and gotten more of those little milk packets, because we have run out.
'Z's moonlighting as 'S's
Practically everything we do as a country has to have either 'kiwi' or 'NZ' in it. Right now, I am looking at a tin of 'BEANZ' and I'm pretty sure it only has beans in it. Sigh. Which leads me swiftly to my next point:
Whoever names hairdressing salons.
I have a theory that hairdressers have their own secret society, and that one of the rules is that when you name your salon it MUST have either a) a terrible pun or b) an unnecessary Z in it or you will be CURSED and all of your perms will turn to peroxides, or whatever counts for bad shit in the hairdressing world. Here are some Christchurch examples:
- Ali Barbers
- Ahead in Hair
- Blade Runners
- Cut Loose
- Hair 2 Day
- Hair Razor
- Head Rush
- Knotting Hill
- The Headmistress
- Cruize Cutz
- Cutz R Us
- Canterbury Cutz
- Expertize Hairdressing
- Kendal Kutz
- Ocean Bladez
That's not all of them, either. That's how many I could write down before I became sad and angry.
People who talk when the TV is on.
It's fine to blather on about your day when there's something on that no-one's watching, like Gone Fishing or Glee, but when someone is actually trying to watch the television it is rude to talk. Even if you don't think the program is worth watching, be a little courteous and save your yap yap til the ad breaks, for the love of God. Unless, of course, the show is something that you don't need to listen to, like Who Wants to be a Millionaire, or Glee.
Ostentatious farters .
You can make gas come out of your bum! Wooooo! Guess what. So can everyone else. It's not a damn superpower.
Crossing button slammers.
You know, those people who stand next to you at the pedestrian crossing, furiously pushing the button in the hopes that this will somehow make the lights change faster. It doesn't! Why would it? It's completely illogical!
Note that it's not a picture of a little red man frantically pushing a button.