Sunday, October 17, 2010


Author, fashion blogger and (most importantly) My Best Friend Andrea pointed out the other day that there are many different sorts of friends, lots of which aren't friends at all, but people who hang about being weeds in the garden of life, if you will. And many sorts of friends who are actual friends. And many in between.

For your friend-spotting pleasure, here is a by-no-means complete list of Types of Friends!

Couple Friends - You're a couple. They're a couple. You have dinner parties, and go out to the movies, and don't invite anyone single because that would be awkward. Why would it be awkward? No-one knows. Do you actually get along, or just hang out? No-one knows.

Hobby Friends - No-one outside the brass band is going to want to talk tuba. Some Hobby Friends of mine have crossed the line into being Actual Proper Friends! Which is a nice surprise.

Old Friends - You went to high school together and haven't seen them in three years, but when you meet up for a drink it's still just the same. Not the same as...
Obligation Friends - You went to high school together and haven't seen them in three years, but when you meet up for a drink they are a totally different person who you have nothing in common with, but would feel rude unfriending on Facebook.

Friends You Have to be Friends With Because They're Dating Your Actual Friend - So your friend starts dating someone obnoxious, you put up with their stanky ways for months and then, when they break up, you can finally say all the awful things you always thought! Then feel really awkward when they get back together a week later. Sorry I said 'stanky' back there, it was really out of context, but I just don't get to use that word enough.

Awkward Sexual Tension Friends - These are fun. Except for sometimes, when they cross the line and become...
Friends You Have Sex With Sometimes Whoops - Whoops. (Not the same as fuck buddies. With fuck buddies, there is no element of whoops.)

Friends You Don't Like But Who Are Entertaining - Most of the time you know these people are fucked up and annoying, but they can be fun to have around, and they have a certain appeal. Like a three-legged dog.

Friend With Whom You Share Mutual Enemy - One of the best kind of not-really-friends! There's nothing like murderous rage to bring two strangers together. See also: Chick Who Dated Your Ex.

Friends With Same Pet as Self - This is unrelated but I was talking to someone at work the other day and they said something about how having a dog is not a good pick-up line and I said, "Oh, it totally is, I used that the other day," and then remembered later that just the other day I had invited them to go on a dog outing with me. If you are reading this, it was not a pick-up line.

Work Friends - You're there for 40 hours a week. So are they. Probably you should try and have a conversation.

Online Friends Who Might Be Serial Killers - You never know.
Online Friends Who Are Probably Not Serial Killers - You never know!

Facebook Friends You Secretly Hate But Friended Them So That You Could Laugh at Their Lives
- Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. This is the single most fun use of Facebook, apart from stalking attractive friends of friends and having conversations with "handsome and charming Englishmen" who then suggest that you blog about it (to the handsome and charming Englishman: there you go, you got your mention, you owe me a drink).

Mysterious Friends (You Can't Work Out Why You Are Friends) - You have nothing in common. You're not really sure what you talk about. And yet, you keep going out for lunch! Is it possible that you're related, and forgot?

Friends of Convenience - Catch same bus. Take same lunch break. Get coffee in same place. Say an awkward hello. Eventually get married.


Anonymous said...

The worst thing about a friend with convenience is when you don't know their name. You see them all the time, you smile and nod, chat about the weather/the books they're getting out/what they're studying/politics, but you don't know their name. It's awkward. Especially when the friendship progresses past the point where it's socially acceptable to properly introduce yourself and find out their name, too.

Also, I am not a serial killer =D.

Lauren said...

'Facebook Friends You Secretly Hate But Friended Them So That You Could Laugh at Their Lives' Omg, Me and two other friends have a certain person who is one of those for us. It's very entertaining watching her updates on Facebook.

a cat of impossible colour said...

You are a Best Friend Who Will Always Be A Best Friend.