I wanna see it!

Dear Everyone: We live in a crazy world. A world of bizarre things, like spoodles and Akon and Shrek porn (do not Google this (the bold is because seriously, it is important that you do not Google that)), and Katy Perry's song, Peacock.

If you haven't heard it, you probably should. It is an appalling song. It is ridiculous and ludicrous and complete crap and I can't get it out of my head.

There is a video right here.

For those of you who at work/too lazy to make with the youtubing, I would like to present a breakdown of the lyrics to this groundbreaking song.

Katy Perry - Peacock

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock

Katy would like to see your peacock! That's nice. As far as birds go, peacocks are pretty impressive. Although, when I was growing up, we had a pair of peacocks (we lived in the county) and every night they would go and roost on the roof. Not only was the roof covered in peacock crap, but the roof was triangle-shaped, and when they fell asleep they would lose their balance. And thus it was that several times a night we would be woken by the frantic squawking and scrabbling of a peacock that had been rudely awakened from a lovely peacock dream by the fact that he was about to fall off the roof.

HOWEVER. They are attractive birds. Can't blame KP for wanting to see one. Mildly surprised, however, that she appears to know a peacock farmer. Huh. Guess that's the perks of fame.

Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me

Is it a peacock?

Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery,
I'm intrigued, for a peek,
Heard it's fascinating

Yeah, they are pretty nice birds. Where are you going with this?

Words are mislead
Such a tease
Wanna see the show
In 3D, a movie
Heard it's beautiful
Be the judge
And my girls gonna take a bow

It's a movie about peacocks?

I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin
I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin

Wow. This must be one hell of a movie about peacocks.

Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?

Wait, why would you need to be brave to show someone your peacock?

Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch

He's not a chicken boy, he's evidently a peacock boy.

I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath

OH MY GOD SHE'S TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE'S WANG. OH MY GOD.

Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off
Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful

Really, Katy? There are many words you could use to describe the male genitalia, but I don't think 'beautiful' is one of them. They do have their uses, but they're not, you know, aesthetically pleasing.

Come on baby let me see
Whatchu hidin' underneath
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock... etc.

I have discovered that this lyric works well if you leave out the 'pea' and just shout COCK every so often.

Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk
Brake me off, if you bad, show me how's the boss
Need some goose, if you lose, come on take a shot

Oh, now we're onto geese? Are you just trying to see how many different types of poultry you can fit into one song? Is this some kind of a bet?

I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin
I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin

This is a lot less palatable now that I know it's not about the peacock bird.

Chorus

In summary, she'd like to see your peacock.

Oh my god no exaggeration
Now all this time was worth the waiting
I just shared a tear
I'm so unprepared

Seriously? You've spent the whole song ranting about how you simply must see this 'peacock,' and now you're not ready for it? Give me a break, Katy.

Also, I'm not sure that tears are the optimal first response to peacock reveal.

You've got the finest architecture
And on the rainbow looking treasure

This doesn't even make SENSE and I'm pretty sure if I came across a 'rainbow-looking' um, article I would be concerned and refer its owner to a doctor.

Such a sight to see
And it's all for me

Yes. Yes it is. I'm pretty sure by this point, Katy Perry, no-one else wants it.