Return to the Corporate Jungle*

*sequel to 'Corporate Jungle', a gritty thriller about a Tarzanesque child, Pozax Wilder (played by Shia LaBoef (I can't spell that) and sporting a first name invented by me) who, despite being raised by monkeys, overcame numerous obstacles to become a successful stockbroker but then, at the end of the movie, realised that love was more important than money and went back to the jungle (for love). In 'Return to the CJ' Pozax, faced with the destruction of the forest he was raised in, returns to the city to save the environment and his home the only way he knows how... trading stocks.

I go back to work tomorrow! Sadly, our quake-ravaged building has been declared unsafe for now, so we're out at the print site by the airport. (Initially mistyped that as 'pint site.' I wish.) The Pint Site will be alright except for three things:

1. We will be sharing a room with Editorial. (We are Advertising. To give you an idea of the relationship between departments, I once considered writing a Mills & Boon set at a newspaper office with the tagline, "He was in Advertising. She was in Editorial. Could their forbidden love cross the great divide?" but gave up because it kept turning out like Romeo & Juliet.)

2. Last time we shared a room with Editorial they sometimes liked to work in absolute, suffocating, school-exam silence. The Advertising team swings between chatty and downright fucking raucous, so sometimes it became a bit much for me and I had to leave the office for ten minutes to go and get a coffee, or walk around the block fantasising about bashing Editorial heads in, or even - and forgive me for bringing this up but it is a natural bodily function - find a secluded spot to have a little fart.

3. The print site is in the middle of nowhere. There is no coffee shop to visit. There is no block to walk around. There are no secret fart zones. There are only heads to bash and teeth to grind. It is going to be a long week.

Because I forgot to post it at Christmas. And it feels so relevant.