Welcome Back Me!

Happy New Year, everyone! I have returned from holiday. Yes. I know it's exciting. Sir! Put your pants back on, sir, I can't see you. No I don't want you to email me a photo, I decided not to have the bum competition after all -

I'm really tired.

Anyway, the intriguing Mad Fat Girl has given me the Honest Scrap award - thank you! Mad and fat you may be, but you have excellent taste in blogs. I'm pretty sure I've received this award before (when one receives as many awards as I do it is so easy to lose count*) so instead of doing what you're meant to do, which is present 7 facts about yourself, I'm going to present 7 facts about my holidays. It's just like show and tell. I brought a spider! It's still alive! It's escaped! Oh NO! Don't worry, that is not a fact about my holiday. Although we did hang out with a child who had LICE so really, who knows... maybe don't hug me for a bit.

And also, there are only 4 facts because it was getting a bit long and I don't want to bore you, but the real reason is I am tired!

Also before I charge into that, it was great to catch up with Frances and Cate and Lucy and Phil (in time order of catching up, in case anyone feels miffed) from The Internet, amongst other places! Lovely people. Was also lovely to see my family - Dad and my sisters - and their families in Wellington and Auckland. Warm fuzzies all around.

That's enough of that though, moving on -

1. On the way up to Wellington, we took the ferry through the Marlborough Sounds, which looks like this:

SUPER SCENIC.

Didn't even fuck around with the photos in Picasa.

2. I know I already tweeted about this but Charlie was out in the backyard with a pork bone and Mum asked, "Where's the dog? Off boning?"
Yep. He's eating his bone. Not sure we would say he is 'boning.'
Heh heh! Boning. Although as it was a pork bone, he was also porking.

Heh heh. Porking. That's a way more romantic term than 'making love.'

3. Speaking of, for New Year's we went into Auckland central, and I indulged in my habit of writing important things down in my notebook. Here are my first deep thoughts of 2011:

I tried to translate it but I'm pretty sure whatever Drunk Me was thinking is lost to the world forever. This is as close as I got:


4. This is a rant: on the flight home today I sat beside the most odious couple. She was chubby, Kiwi and wearing shorts at least a size and a half too small, and he was skinny ginger American who would not stop talking about things he didn't know about, like earthquakes and how 3D movies work.

Before we even took off some serious trap shuttage was required - we were in the exit row, and a stewardess or hostess or whatever you call them nowadays gave us a briefing about In The Unlikely Event - then she handed us a card showing how to work the emergency exit, asked us to read it, and wandered off to refill the drinks tray, arm the doors, and shag a pilot.

The girl, next to me, took one look at it and said, "Oh, blah blah BLAH!" Then she and the boyfriend went back to their fascinatingly inane conversation about do you have KMart in America. Seriously? If you don't want to pay attention to the safety briefing that's fine but don't sit in the exit row, douchebags. I was almost hoping for an emergency just so she could FREAK OUT and I could give her the finger and say something smug about the safety briefing, before zooming down the slide and out into the sea.

Then, about ten seconds before we landed, she squawked, "It feels like we're really really close to the ground!" And then in her eagerness to get to the overhead locker she treated me to a close-up of her butt crack.

Man.

It's nice to be back.


*this is bullshit, I don't actually receive that many awards, except for this one. Thanks to everyone who voted.