Unrelated: just received email with subject line "Eclectic Butts McGay is now following you on Twitter!" Love you back, Internet.
I got a haircut this morning and now I can't stop checking myself out! Despite the fact that almost everyone I've seen hates the haircut, I fucking love it.
This is just like the time I bought a delightfully tacky octopus-shape, diamante-encrusted ring and made everyone at work intensely uncomfortable by asking them how much they loved it.
Best response: "It's very... it's, um...it's. It looks like you got it at Timezone."
Now let's look at my hair. There will be a prize for best compliment on my hair. (No there won't.)
It's been a busy day for grooming round here - while I was being blonded, friends were getting bikini waxes. (Why is bikini waxing a group activity?) I was excited and asked if they were getting shapes trimmed into their lady gardens*. Apparently not. I couldn't talk them into it, either - I believe my exact words were "Get a lightning bolt, it will make your vagina go faster!" Nobody wants a slow vagina.
Why would you not get shapes? Now I am going to get a shape. What shape should I get?
I have no idea whether or not I'm kidding.
*most ridiculous term EVER. Can't stop laughing. "Oh, hello, what are you doing?" "Not much, just watering my lady garden."** "Oh, really?" "Yes! I have already sprouted several mushrooms. If I manage to grow two daffodils, I should be able to entice a tuber." This is like in Viva Pinata when you have to plant certain things in your garden in order to tempt animals to enter. Tuber is a euphemism.
**this conversation is taking place over the phone or something.