Hair*

*Not a musical.

Unrelated: just received email with subject line "Eclectic Butts McGay is now following you on Twitter!" Love you back, Internet.

I got a haircut this morning and now I can't stop checking myself out! Despite the fact that almost everyone I've seen hates the haircut, I fucking love it.

This is just like the time I bought a delightfully tacky octopus-shape, diamante-encrusted ring and made everyone at work intensely uncomfortable by asking them how much they loved it.

Best response: "It's very... it's, um...it's. It looks like you got it at Timezone."

Now let's look at my hair. There will be a prize for best compliment on my hair. (No there won't.)

Smile like you're awkwardly clenching!

It's going blonde because I'm doing hair modelling in July due to my talent for sitting still for ages with only minor fidgeting. Hairdresser is lightening it gradually for hairdressery reasons that I forget - at this stage the front half is blonde and the back half is still dark. Viewed from above, I look like a Neenish tart. (Viewed from the front or side, I just look like a regular tart.)

It's been a busy day for grooming round here - while I was being blonded, friends were getting bikini waxes. (Why is bikini waxing a group activity?) I was excited and asked if they were getting shapes trimmed into their lady gardens*. Apparently not. I couldn't talk them into it, either - I believe my exact words were "Get a lightning bolt, it will make your vagina go faster!" Nobody wants a slow vagina.

Why would you not get shapes? Now I am going to get a shape. What shape should I get?

I have no idea whether or not I'm kidding.


*most ridiculous term EVER. Can't stop laughing. "Oh, hello, what are you doing?" "Not much, just watering my lady garden."** "Oh, really?" "Yes! I have already sprouted several mushrooms. If I manage to grow two daffodils, I should be able to entice a tuber." This is like in Viva Pinata when you have to plant certain things in your garden in order to tempt animals to enter. Tuber is a euphemism.

**this conversation is taking place over the phone or something.