Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Shady-lookin' Dudes and the Terrible Shower*

*this would be an excellent title for pretty much absolutely nothing

Two-part post, everybody.


I walk home from work. It generally isn't too late, only about 10, and I walk down a relatively well-lit main road so I don't have major safety worries.

Last week a colleague was talking in Concerned Voice about how there is some sort of gang house near a corner on my walk home, which is an awesome way to make your friends feel safe, and while this didn't bother me because of well-lit high-traffic area and also possibility that it might not be true I did freak out a little bit when I walked up to that corner tonight and noticed a shady-lookin' dude leaning against a pole.

Presenting Google's possibly slightly racist idea of a shady-lookin' dude.

I thought, "Keep walking, ignore this dude" but he came over and waved and said, "Stop! Stop!" in a drunken fashion and for a short period of time I thought I was going to die.

But it turned out he was actually a nice chap playing lookout for his friend, another shady-lookin' dude, who was urinating on a wall around the corner.

Something else bewildering that Google thinks is a shady-lookin' dude


In other news, we got a new shower and it is utterly fucking tiny.

I am going to get stuck in it. I am going to get stuck in it butt naked and have to call the fire department.

It will be like this but with more nudity and less laughing.

Why would you even make a shower door that tiny? Is this some sort of special niche market shower for anorexic midgets?

Why is it in our house?

You can't even lift your arms up to wash your hair without executing a weird Olympic diving manoeuvre, so how is male flatmate, who is significantly taller and broader than I, possibly going to wedge himself in there every morning? Do not want to end up trying to lever his soapy bulk out with the towel rail. Are we are going to have to lower him in over the top?

Also, more importantly, I have boyfriend. How the fuck am I going to shave my legs?

I am going to get dumped and I won't even be able to sit drunkenly in the shower and cry like they do in the movies because the shower is too fucking small.

p.s. this marks 700 posts! You'd think some of them would be better.


Holly said...

Haha the shower photo is the best one ever! The picture looks like you're trying to sell it...but having read how crap it is...I do not want one.

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

love the picture.

Use Veet cream - apply, wait, then rinse off in shower.

clearly you are going to have to visit me because there is no way I am going to fit in that.

also I may or may not have told you this before but the time I got a wee bit tipsy on gin martini's after a so called friend left me in a closed bar with a strange gay man who kept kissing me...well I showered when I got home and fell - dislocating my shoulder.

Was so freaked out had no idea how I was going to cover myself left alone who was going to take me to Ed - I almost called Jane.

WV - gonespi -that lard had better be gonespi before you need a shower.

not that you have any lard.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

Just stop shaving your legs. Your boyfriend will appreciate your commitment to keepin' it real. I think.

Molly said...

Niche market. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Nick said...

ally your posts are hilarious - love em! and not to mention your top model blog aint too shabby either :D
you've almost inspired me to start my own. almost, but not quite... :P
love your fleeting but awesome ex-ginger colleague/intern :)
keep it up 'lice!!

Phil said...

Daaaarling! You've got highlights!!