The Backing Mishap

Today at work, while trying to get out of the goddamn motherfucking bitch-ass parking garage, I put a scrape in the work car. (Would we call it a scrape? Maybe we would call it a dent. A sort of little scrapey dent. Or perhaps a denty scrape.) Not a major injury to the car, but still daunting to tell my boss about - became less daunting, however, when he revealed that he took a taillight out on his first day. Was always going to have a basement smash (sing to the tune: monster mash) in the work car, was just a matter of when. Am kind of glad I've got it over with, in a 'oh fuck I broke the work car' sort of way.

I was in the basement garage doing my normal 16-point turn to get the car pointing the right way to drive up the exit ramp, and one of the women in my team came back in the work car.
"The easiest way to get those cars out," she said, gesturing to my parking space, "is to just back up the ramp."
"I... back up the ramp? Really?" It didn't seem like a very good idea because it wasn't.
"Go on, it's easy," she said. "I'll help."
"I don't think I can back up the ramp," I said, and then began to back up the ramp. What was I thinking? I can't back up ramps! Long story short, the angles were all wrong and I scraped the side of the car against the wall and now I have four pages of insurance forms to fill out. Whoops.

On the insurance forms they ask what was, in your opinion, the cause of the accident, and get you to draw a picture.

My picture looked like this:

But without the text. (I think I put the cause as 'misjudged distance between car and wall.' Obviously. Should have put, 'misbacked it' because that sounds quite professional.)

But then I cheered up because the bottom of the insurance form needed signing and I love signing things:

How can you go wrong with a signature that, viewed from the right angle, looks like a fish and a charging elephant?