Post of Christmas Past*

*this is the shittiest title I've used in ages but my brain is still recovering from all the tiny mince pies I crammed into my face yesterday on the grounds that "they are only small, I might as well eat twenty of them," excellent way to give yourself the gift of indigestion.

Hands up if you knew that Lady Gaga did a Christmas song.
It is loosely based on Deck the Halls, but only loosely because I'm pretty sure Deck the Halls never went "Light it up, put me on top, let's fa la la la la, la la la la." Or, actually, "Ho, ho, Christmas - my Christmas tree's delicious." But it should've.

Basically what I am saying is do not go listen to it.

Christmas was nice and festive - we Christmassed our way through family dinner and the Queen's speech, although because our TV was not widescreen enough we were apparently watching "The Queer!" Tee hee, whee. Her purple suit is vibrant:

I feel a bit disrespectful about saving this as 'liz'

For those who missed it, the Queen/Queer's message was essentially: "The King James Bible was a good bible, born of co-operation. You know what else is born of co-operation? Sport. Heaps of people play sport and that's awesome. Happy Christmas." (Not kidding. It's here if you doubt me, or if you'd just like to listen to the Queen.) Happy Christmas indeed, anyone for backyard cricket? LBW, your Majesty.

Christmas dinner was good, if uncontroversial despite Uncle A musing to himself at about 10am, "Who will I argue with this year? What will I argue about?" and the Uncle B having his annual Q & A, featuring the ever-delightful, "So, what are you doing this year? What's the plan? What's next? What are you going to do?" To which everyone always wants to shout, FUCK OFFFFFF but of course you can't, that's Rude and not In The Spirit of Christmas.

I said gaily, "I don't know! Something will come up and I'll do that. Then something else, then something else, and on and on until eventually I die." Then I helped myself to more ice-cream. Ten Christmas points to me!

Other highlight of the day was explaining Rock, Paper, Scissors to my aunt and uncle (Inquisitive Uncle) who have apparently lived in some kind of cave for the last however many years, because who has never heard of Rock, Paper, Scissors? Seriously? Aunt buys lite cream and considers gluten content an integral element of any purchasing decision. She is au fait with the modern world. Uncle is a doctor. Doctors should know these things! How else will they decide who has to do the overweight gentleman's colonoscopy?

It's not brain sur- oh no.

Speaking of rock (SEGUE!) we had more quakes this morning - the power went out and now the man on the radio is talking about Transformers! Got excited, but it turns out they're something power-related and not, you know, those Transformers. Life is so fucking disappointing.

Also I have a swimwear dilemma - need to buy 1-piece togs (because am going to Auckland for new year and apparently swimming features and, while I have bikini, do not exactly have bikini body because too many little mince pies) and have no idea what the fuck to wear over the bottom half of them. Board shorts? Seems like those would look weird. Someone mentioned 'swimming skirt' but I'm not sure what that is. PLEASE HELP ME. I can't dress myself.