Friday, January 14, 2011

Employment Opportunities

So today at work I was in the bathroom washing my hands and thinking about a blog I read (it's right here) in which Steam Me Up, Kid euphemised farting as "firing the pants cannon," which because I am secretly really immature I found to be the funniest thing ever, and I was imagining myself saying, "Ladies don't fart. Ladies fire the pants cannon" and then I got the giggles which is terrible because if you leave the bathroom giggling to yourself everyone thinks you are some kind of a pervert.

Also it turns out that we can now add 'firing the pants cannon' to the list of things my boss doesn't really care to learn about, along with 'the paper crane I made out of our new ratecard' and 'a pigeon shat on me' and 'I had a dream in which I hooked up with what's-his-face from editorial and he was crap and then months later someone else in the department had the same dream and he was crap in theirs too and now I'm tempted to sleep with him just to find out.'

Why does my boss not care to learn about these things? They are so interesting!

However, he doesn't have to put up with it for much longer because in two weeks I am leaving! I resigned ages ago (well, in December) but have lingered and mucked about and generally Not Gone, and now the final day of my employment is January 28. And then on January 29 I will post in-house secrets on every internet platform avai- just kidding, boss! No I won't. Because I don't know any, I am not important enough. You learn these things when you are important enough, and also gain other powers, as evidenced by this recent statement from on high: "I'm management. Silver bullets fall out of my arse." Looked under the desk to check but there weren't any there.

No idea what I'm doing next but something will come up - I know that leaving a job before you have another job is reckless* and pigheaded and foolhardy and many other old-timey words but I really wanted to leave and I am kind of impatient and don't really have good impulse control and, essentially, just went 'fuck it'. There's always temping.

Perhaps you would like to hire me? I am kind of impatient and don't really have good impulse control, but I can unjam a printer and am excellent office eye candy.

(In my opinion. Which is the opinion of someone who thought they got whistled at this morning but in reality it was a car alarm, so make of that what you will.)

*I know this because people keep telling me


Holly said...

LMFAO at "firing the pants cannon". That's really awesome!

Ever considered primary teaching? I think a class of students would find you extremely entertaining!

slommler said...

Sorry! I don't have any positions open...Ha! Self employed here and I am doing good employing myself right now. So much luck to you...I am sure you will find something that is just perfect for you!!

PurpleLily said...

Good luck! Nice to see I'm not the only one! I am also finishing work on the 28th without a job to go to, but am hoping to get work through a recruitment agency in the meantime.

Nothing wrong with a bit of foolhardy recklessness, keeps it interesting:P

The Mad Fat Girl said...

I always come out of the office loo either giggling or at least grinning like a maniac. So, my colleagues think I'm a perv now? Hahahahah.

And recklessness is good, esply when management fires invisible silver bullets from its ass! Good luck!

Sarah said...

Move back to Wellington! Move back to Wellington!

IT IS ALLY said...

Holly - I KNOW! Re: primary teaching - it would be entertaining but also children terrify me, and I would send them all home chirping about their pants cannons and get fired. So probably not my best avenue.

SueAnn - Well, you never know... one day! Hehehe. Thank you, fingers crossed

Lily - Woooo let's have drinks! Congrats, hope something awesome comes up. I'm also looking at agency work - we needs heaps of temps for earthquake paperwork, apparently. Whilst keeping my eye out for a 'real job.'

MadFat - Why? Am genuinely curious. I don't usually get the giggles in the toilet, I use my toilet time to reorganise my day. LAME ME. Hahaha, I love my boss. I wish he DID fire silver assbullets

Sarah - It's a very real possibility! Everything kind of depends on work, though.