Gettin' Some Answers, Part Two

the rest of your questions, answered

You appear to leap into conversations, has it backfired? Or do you pick your subjects carefully? - Gary

Well, Gary, I do like to think I follow the old adage, 'listen before you leap (into conversations)' fairly closely. However, it has been known to backfire -most notably when I started talking to a group of trendy hipster acoustic guitarist types about how I thought all trendy hipster acoustic guitarist types were pretentious wankers. I was right, though.

Also sometimes I start telling a story that is relevant to the conversation but still inappropriate i.e. we are discussing eels and then all of a sudden we are discussing eel porn except actually we're not discussing it because I am the only person in the room who is even aware it exists and I appear to be delivering some kind of informative eel porn lecture and everyone is listening in fascinated horror and wondering just how much detail I intend to go into. So yeah. Sometimes that happens.

Have you ever owned slippers that resembled an animal? - Gary

Yeah man! When I was little I had a black & white pair that were based on some kind of animal, (I no longer remember which animal it was) and they were really comfortable. In a classic example of 'things which seem completely normal when you're a child, but horribly fucked-up when you're an adult', you shoved your foot into the animal's neck.

Did our ancestors, perhaps, wear skulls on their feet? The Internet says no, but I'm not sure I believe it. Someone give me some money for research.

What part of your body is most sensitive to fear, recognition or happiness? - Gary

Can I just say, this is such a weird question.

When I'm afraid (which is freakin' never because I am like a hot female Chuck Norris who doesn't know any martial arts) I feel ill, so I guess the stomach for fear. If you meant, 'which part of you is most likely to scare people,' it is probably my brain.

Like most people (not the blind), I recognise people with my eyes, and get déja vu more than I get déja smelt/felt/tasted/heard. So I guess my eyes would be most sensitive to recognition.

That being said, whenever I sing a song I've written I have a mental image of wherever I was when I wrote it, and there is a bathroom in a pub in Wellington that conjures up memories of a band thing about 5 years ago and I have no idea why. Something to do with the air freshener, but I never smell it anywhere else.

My heart be's most sensitive to happiness! And also my mouth because it goes all smiley all by itself. I wouldn't like to comment on which part of me makes people the happiest.

Which book do you wish you had written? - Andrea

From a financial point of view, the Harry Potpot series. From a literary point of view, David Eddings' Elenium because I'm insanely jealous of his world-building abilities. I suck at world-building because I have no patience and a poor eye for continuity, but he does not suck at it at all.

If you were a character in a pantomime, which one would it be? - Holly

Probably the irrepressible sidekick who sings ragtime and gets in the hero's way.

Have you decided whether or not to chop your hair yet? - Holly

Currently, all major appearance decisions have been swept away by the tsunami (which I always pronounce 'sue-na-MY' unless I think 'salami, salami' before I say it) of excitement which is MY NEW ONESIE. Photo soon.

Hairwise - short, for now. It looks nice long, and I can do more with it, but I feel more like me with short hair.

How old were you when you started drinking (liking?) coffee? - Holly

Ooh I don't remember...maybe about 12, 13? I do remember making myself cup upon cup of awful instant coffee, black and really strong, because I felt not being a coffee drinker would be simply too much for my image to recover from. See also: playing a respectable game of pool, learning how poker actually works, sitting in a dark room & occasionally 'rocking out' to Tool because that's what the other uni kids were doing. Tool was a mistake.

Who was your favourite Backstreet Boy? - Brooke

Well, they all had their ups and downs. I was a huge BSB fan about the time I was learning to love coffee, and so I consider myself qualified to present them in order of least favourite to favouritest ever (aka the one who was eventually going to fall in love with me through some highly improbable set of circumstances). Sorry about the shitty image quality.

5 - AJ

Seriously. The man just screams douchebag.

Also, he spent all his time rapping and looking sifty, and that is not my cup of tea unless it is being done by Eminem.

Also, he reminds me of Ali G, and always wore awful glasses even when it was not sunny.

What more do I need to say? LAST PLACE TO AJ.

4 - Howie

Poor old Howie. Despite being moderately talented and okay-looking, he was never anyone's favourite.

Because he was so boring.

Still, he was better than A 'Douchebag' J up there.

3 - Nick

Dude, eww. Why did so many people love this undercut-sporting, whiny-voiced pretty-boy?

The only reason he's not at the bottom of the list is because back in the day I sort of liked him because everyone else did.

I did have a bit of a crush on Aaron Carter, though.

What was I thinking? They grew up and made that horrible reality show.

It's over, Nick BSB. Have some dignity. Let it go.

2 - Kevin

Kevin is totally grown-up-me's favourite.

He was only my second favourite because at 12 I hadn't really got into the whole bad boys thing yet.

Also he was far too old for me.

He's probably about 40 now.

That is really sad.

1 - Brian

YAY BRIAN!

Not only was he good-looking (compared to, you know, AJ) but he was also talented (he wrote some of the songs) and sung lead when Nick wasn't poncing about being all 'my undercut brings all the boys to the yard.'

Brian was 100% legit!

I think he may have turned out to be gay.

5ive, BSB, NSync, Westlife, Boyzone, or Hanson? - Brooke
I should really say BSB but totally Westlife.

Which is the better word: daft, or loom? Discuss. - Brooke

Like the Backstreet Boys, different words have different merits. As far as I know 'daft' only has one meaning, but then 'loom' only has one (common) pronounciation. At the end of the day, I can't decide. America will have to vote.

What's the longest your hair's ever been? - Brooke

Ehh...probably about down to m'boobs. My boobs. Not manboobs.

What's your favourite one-hit-wonder song? - Brooke

Haha, maybe Pseudo Echo's cover of Funkytown? Then again, maybe something else. All of the music I like is incredibly embarrassing & usually when people ask me about favourite bands I tell whopping lies. Then later on they find out that actually I kind of liked All American Rejects and that one song by the Rasmus and they never look at me the same way again.

Which is why I decided to be ironic in my answer to that question.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? - Brooke

Please Brooke she is made up did you think I wouldn't know that?

If you could turn one TV programme into real life or live in it, which one would you choose? - Christina

I would live in Footballer's Wives, but sometimes visit Boston Legal and/or Mile High.

If lollies and chocolate and things were used instead of medicine, what would you use instead of Morphine? - Christina

In terms of what would be most likely to keep me sedated, probably either raspberry K Bars, of the rather politically incorrectly named Redskins. (Does anyone else remember when those used to have an Indian Chief's head on the wrapper, headdress and all?) I am a complete sucker for chewy, raspberry-flavoured candy.

Sparkles (the sprinkle-covered chocolate buttons, not to hard candy) would definitely be hallucinogenic. Pebbles would be your common-or-garden painkiller, milk bottles would cure calcium deficiency, and gummy worms would prevent tummy worms. Licorice would be some sort of emetic, and giant jellybeans would, sadly, be taken as suppositories.

Gettin' Some Answers, Part One*

*there will be a second part where I answer the rest of your questions.


Have you ever wished someone close to you would ask\tell you something awkward and then when they did, you regretted wishing it? - Gary

Not as far as I recall, no. More often it has been the other way around i.e. I have told them something awkward and we have all regretted it.

Do you have an obsession you should be ashamed of? - Gary

Far too many. Some are quite socially acceptable & only a little shameful, relatively speaking; here are those ones.
- Always checking the toilet for spiders before taking a seat
- Insisting that the shower curtain not be pulled across at night because if I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I get scared that there's an axe-murderer hiding in the bath
- Always carrying a notebook because I live in fear of having (or witnessing) a moment of brilliance, not writing it down, and forgetting it forever
- Crushing eggshells before putting them in the rubbish because I heard somewhere that witches use them for boats.

If you meant something along the lines of 'are there any really embarrassing bands you are obsessed with,' then yes. Yes, there are. No, I am not telling you about them.


Am I freaking you out?- Gary

No. Should I be freaked out? Are you a pervert stalker of some kind? Maybe I am a little freaked out now.


Who is NRT? - Gary

Sorry, but no dice - like wearers of the Cuchini, my lips are sealed.


Would you rather have no legs and no arms or the head of a weasel? - Andrea


Totally the head of a weasel. This decision is partly based on real life considerations (would progress quickly through the business world as everyone would be afraid to argue with you/not hire you for fear of discrimination lawsuit, would then marry supermodel and write motivational book about living with weasel-head ("Vermin: One Woman's Amazing Fight to Live a Normal Life") and retire to my private island (Weasel Island) to live a life of weaselheaded luxury) and partly based on NetHack (worst thing about accidentally eating a werejackal corpse and transforming into a jackal from time to time isn't the hideous deformity, it's the fact that you can't hold a sword or open any doors). Also I would take great delight in the huge awkward silence that would arise any time someone accidentally used the phrase 'weasel out of it.'



Who would play you in the movie of your Liff? - Andrea

Probably myself. Is hard to find actresses with weasel heads, and if they did it with special effects it'd be really expensive.

How often do you think about Gibbons? - Andrea

Rarely, but I still think 'Thinking of Gibbons' is a good band name. If that was my band name the whole world would think about Gibbons more, and I could garner extra publicity and record sales by claiming to be an animal rights activist drawing attention to the plight of the Gibbon, as well as an insanely talented musician. Not sure if Gibbons are actually in any kind of plight but I'm pretty sure I could make them be if the ownership of Weasel Island was at stake.

What material possessions do you covet? - Andrea

Slaves

Toasters.

What's your favourite dream you've ever had? - Andrea

Oh man this is really difficult because I love dreams so much and have such good ones. The one where Xalion and I were outlawed, katana-packing, dreadlocked flying world-saving samurai would have to be up there. But then again, so would the one where I was a unicorn flying through a neon sunset, the one where I fought off a robotic cobra, and the one where I met the love of my life and he loved me back and also he was an alien with yellow reptilian eyes.

If you were a bear, would you like to eat salmon? Would you bother chasing moose if you knew they were more tasty? - Holly

If I was a bear! Oh if only. If I was an animal, I would definitely be a bear - they are cute, but they can still kick your ass. My mother says the animal you would choose to be says a lot about you, and which qualities you value in other people & would like to possess yourself. It is totally accurate. I would love to be perceived as cute yet dangerous. Please tell me you perceive me like that! You don't, do you. You perceive me as I don't know a meerkat or something. Actually now you probably perceive me as some weird weasel-human hybrid - sigh.

Anyway, back to the actual question here. I would eat salmon when I couldn't be bothered going after moose. Moose would be for the nights when I could be bothered cooking, and salmon would be a 2-minute-noodles-and-tinned-beetroot kind of solution. Also, i keep typing 'heater' as 'ehater.' Is it someone that hates the Internet, or someone who uses the Internet to hate on people?

What's your favourite vegetable? - Brooke

See, normally I would say something like, "Oh, I don't know, vegetables are vegetables, maybe carrot?" but then recently I discovered half a tin of pickled beetroot in the fridge and now I freakin' love beetroot. In later years this will be referred to as my Beetroot Period which would be a truly horrible gynaecological term

What's your middle name? - Brooke

Roget, like the thesaurus.

How many bristles are there in your toothbrush? - Brooke

24 (groups of individual strands). Wonder if this is standard? Wikipedia is not sure, but it does tell me that the inventor of the toothbrush, a Mr William Addis, invented it while he was in jail (he found a bit of animal bone in his cell, drilled holes in it (they don't say how), and got some bristles off the warden) in 1780, then became very rich when he got out & started mass producing the Tooth Brushers.

My favourite fact about the invention of the toothbrush, however, is that Mr Addis was thrown in jail in the first place for causing a riot. If it wasn't for anarchy, we'd all have plaque. (That would be a great slogan for...something. zach, babyorchestra.com?)

Why do you think the ancient Greeks came up with the idea of a minotaur? Those crazy ancient Greeks. - Fraser

Cautionary tale about cow-fuckin'.

Do you prefer cirrus or cumulonimbus clouds? Answer in iambic pentameter, two lines minimum. - Fraser

If clouds, in life, can be your main concern
Of hardship it appears you've much to learn;
I dream of arms laid down, of peaceful crowds
who stare as one to heav'n, and judge the clouds.

What happened to this question? - Fraser

You used up two questions' worth of brain on the previous one.

How will I die? - Fraser

You will explode.

Beyond your Wildest Dreams*

*depending, of course, on what you dream about

Well, readers, you've asked your questions. I've thought long and hard about them (get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert.) And now, finally, the moment you've all been waiting for...America has voted! Sorry. Have been watching American Idol. No wait, hear me out, there is a valid reason. I am also slightly pissed. (That's the reason.)

Anyway, here are the answers to your questions! The questions you asked me a post ago, not the ones that keep you awake at 3am staring at the ceiling in terror. I don't know the answers to those ones. Wow, being drunk really does give me an over-inflated sense of my own comic value. I apologise in advance for the (inevitable) fact that a lot of this post will not be anywhere near as funny as I'm going to think it is. It's still funnier than your mother. (See?)

Who do you secretly admire but feel ashamed of admiring? (Andrea)
Oh man...I was going to go on about pop starlets and the like, but then I remembered something worse. A while back in the paper there was an article about how intellectually & physically disabled people were always getting a bum deal from us normal people. (Sorry, but it's the most concise way to put it.) One of the examples cited was of a woman with - oh dear I don't remember but it affected how she looked - riding her bike along the footpath. A man backing his car out of his driveway shouted after her, "Hey, retard, get off the footpath!" and instantly became Public Enemy Number One but you know what? He probably didn't even know she was disabled. He was probably just shouting at her because riding your bike on the footpath is not only unsafe and unwise and (I think) slightly illegal but let's be honest it is also pretty retarded. And I kind of admire that man for shouting 'retard' at someone when, although he may or may not have known that they were actually retarded, saw that they were doing a retarded thing and called them out on it. And I'm kind of ashamed about that, because it reveals (or even perhaps highlights) the politically incorrect bigot in me.

What IS an underbelly? (Brooke)
It's the bit under your belly. Duh. I don't even know why you even bothered asking that. You could've used the thirty seconds it took to sign in, type that, and do the world verification to, uh, save a child in Africa. I don't know how exactly - what am I, Gandhi? - but I'm pretty sure you could've.

In other news, I seem to be getting more and more offensive. Interesting fact cleverly inserted to distract you from my increasingly abhorrent comments - did you know that Scientists recently did a study where they took a group of seriously ill people and asked religious people to pray for some of them? The patients with people praying for them recovered faster and better than those who didn't. Science says prayer works; Science says positive energy exists. Science feels nowhere near as guilty as I do about all that negative energy I've fired at people over the years.

How do you deal with the shame of washing your hair in the shower and then forgetting to remove the strands of hair from the plug-hole before another person uses the shower? (sleep500)
Excellent question there, sleep500! I would like to answer your question with a question - what does 'sleep500' refer to? So far all I've come up with is a) a really dull olympic sport or b) partial description of the biggest bed in the world. However, let's get back to the issue at hand.

As you may know, my hair is far too short for the shower-hair-thing to be an issue for me, so I called in an expert. I know she's an expert, because she deals with in-shower hair fallout on a daily basis and with one of the following methods. 1) use strands of hair to make pattern on wall of shower, leave for next person to admire; 2) leave hair in plughole until plughole blocks, then deny it the two events are related; 3) take hair out of shower then drop it in toilet with intention of flushing it away, then forget to flush it, causing next person intending to use the toilet to think there is a FUCKING HUGE SPIDER IN IT. I asked said expert sleep500's question and they said "What's the shame? Why is it shameful?" So I guess that answers that.

If you were to dye your hair any colour, what colour would you dye it and why? (Holly)
White-blonde, a la Agyness Deyn or however she spells it. (By the way, did you know she used to have a perfectly normal name until she went to a numerologist (or something like that) who worked out the perfect letters for her name to have, in order for her to gain success? I should go to one of those people.) I've dyed my hair a lot, and white-blonde is the only colour that won't take. It goes ginger. Which is a shame because as a blonde I'd look all Scandinavian and cute! Either that or like the lead singer of My Chemical Romance and hey, people fancy him so it's win-win.

What's the silliest thing you have ever done? (Holly)
Asking me to pick the silliest thing I've ever done is like asking an artist to pick his favourite work - there are so many, and they're all such triumphs of the genre that it's just ridiculous to make me choose. It would feel like favouritism, and all my slightly-less-silly-but-still-ridiculously-embarrassing deeds would gang up on me and reveal themselves at a dinner party in revenge.

- PC or Mac? (Holly)
PC, but if I was given a Mac I'm pretty sure I could function with that too. This is not something I feel strongly about, putting me firmly in the 10% of humanity who are still cool. Or heathens, depending on how you feel about it. I should have done this when I was more soberer.

- Milk, white or dark chocolate? (Holly)
Dark. Badass. 'Nough said.

Inspired by the fact that I am "now running on reserve battery power," how would you spend your last 10 minutes on the internet? As in, you have 10 minutes before the internet goes offline forever. (Jenny)
Emailing physical contact details to all of my online friends, and hoping that they were using their last 10 minutes to check their emails.

Would you rather... not be anatomically correct (think barbie and ken) or have no face? (Jenny)
Difficult question! I would be not-anatomically-correct, but either of those would really suck. Thank God for genitals. And faces. And the combin- OK NEXT QUESTION PLZ

Would you rather... have 3 tiny eyes or have one massive eye? (Jenny)
Totally 3 tiny eyes. One big eye would just make you look like a freak. (The backup punchline to that one was, "People are always telling me I need to gain perspective.")

What would you eat for your last meal ever (be that before the electric chair, known nuclear meltdown, euthanasia or other cheerful end of life scenario)? 3 courses only, no cheating! (Baglady)
Excellent question, Baglady! (No, really.) I have actually thought about this before, but now I can't remember what my eventual answer was so I have to think about it all over again. Thanks for that. I would probably spend so bloody long deciding on the last meal that they'd execute me while I was still in the "I like chicken...but then, I always have chicken" stage.
Entree would be a half portion of Eggs Benedict, with eggs poached hard, ham off the bone & Bearnaise instead of Hollandaise sauce. On an English muffin. Main course would be an enormous rare steak, perfectly done, with a mushroom sauce & maybe fries also. Yeah totally fries, with aioli. Dessert would be dry vodka martinis (because after all, who wants to die sober?) and perhaps a little creme brulee, if one has room. God damn it now I'm hungry.

Favorite drink? (Anon)
Completely depends on the circumstances (apart from non-alcoholic, which is always coffee or blue slushit, haha, amusing typo, slushie). Favourite summer drink is moscato or sangria (shut up, 'pretentious' is just a word that people with no taste use to describe delicious things (you're not funny you're just drunk shut up)). Favourite cocktail is a Paradiso Margarita (tequila, cream, passionfruit, vanilla liqueur, sweet & sour, a couple other things, ice) that the Mexican Cafe make - I'm still kinda sad I left there under a cloud because I miss that margarita. I also really like merlot. Favourite drink above all others: vodka, preferably in martini form.

What would you name a daughter? A son? (Brooke)
I have no idea about a daughter. Perhaps Juliet, perhaps Alex, perhaps Clytemnestra. Who would know, really. Definitely Alexander for a son, then Max & Zach as backup options (i.e. if partner/nemesis/dog is called Alexander). Middle name for either gender definitely Tarquin. Best name ever.

What colour do you think your aura would be? (Brooke)
I don't know anything about what the various colours of auras (does 'aura' gain an s in the plural form? what a geeky thing to ask but still, if you know, please tell me because it will bug me, although not enough to actually make me look it up myself)). But I'm not going to look up the meanings (I really shouldn't start a sentence with 'but'- GO AWAY GRAMMAR NAZI NOW IS NOT YOUR TIME TO SHINE) because I feel that would defeat the purpose. I see my aura as a mixture of red, purple and blue, with a bit of yellow here & there.

How do you feel about polka dots? (Brooke)
Completely depends on how they're worn & who's wearing them - I have a couple of polka dot items of clothing that I like, but in general they look weird on me. Andrea looks lovely in polka dots, but then Andrea has Style, whereas I just have Is That Clean? and that's not quite the same.

Hodgins' beard: yucky or kinda cute? (Brooke)
Sorry, but it's not great. I'm not a huge fan of beards in general. I fail to see the evolutionary advantage. I mean, mustaches are dashing, entertaining, hard to spell and an excellent makeshift granary but a beard? Seriously? The best I can come up with is that it keeps your chin warm.

Which of the following would you take on a desert island (or an island made of dessert): Book? CD? Foodstuff (assuming it was magical and you could live on it forever)? Article of clothing? (Andrea)
Book would be an ever-expanding blank notebook with a pen attached to it. If it had to be pre-written, as it were, then I'd take something impressive - then, whenever I was at a dinner party (post-rescue) I could impress people by reciting the entirety of War & Peace from memory. Not Harry Bloody Potter. Maybe Robinson Crusoe, for inspiration. CD would be something classical, maybe Chopin piano sonatas (or whatever it was that he wrote a lot of for piano) or perhaps Bach preludes & fugues. Foodstuff would be tins of Watties Big Eat, because they contain all of the food groups in one can but, more importantly, you can make a raft out of the empty cans (lashed together with bits of War & Peace). In this scenario I would have a can opener. As if by magic. Article of clothing would definitely be kimono - breezy on a hot day, blanket in the winter, makes a comfy hammock, keep things in the sleeves, hang yourself from the belt when you go mad from drinking sea-water.

Also, would you save your family or some possession if there was a house-fire, bearing in mind that your possessions probably don't have legs while your family probably do? (Andrea)
Um...morality dictates that I should probably check my family were OK before saving my laptop, photo albums, Miss Bear and makeup. What? You don't want those cute firemen to see you all sooty & panda-eyed.

Ooh, and what's your clothing wishlist for winter? (Andrea)
It is depressingly long, but the essentials ('your 'top picks' for winter!') are as follows:
- perfect black trench coat that only exists in my mind
- fitted midthigh length red cashmere/wool blend jacket that goes with nothing in my wardrobe but which I covet regardless
- ten billion cardigans & jerseys & other warm shit you need in winter
- boots, and those black leather 'statement heels' that look like the person wearing them should be shouting sexual things at you in German whilst holding a whip between their buttocks
- sorry I'm still trying to get that image out of my head
- black wool gloves to replace the ones I lost, sorry I said that about the whip between the buttocks
- strapless bra (not really seasonal item but required all the same)

What is the worst possible crime that you could commit only armed with one cubic metre of Jelly? (Joshy)
Excellent question, Joshy! Several options. The first and most obvious one would fall under the broad classification of 'public lewdness.' I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Getting more creative, now: a cubic metre is a fair amount of Jelly (why the capital? Is it special magical Jelly? Because that, like, totally gives me a new set of options) and you could do a lot with it. You could probably suffocate someone with that, if you dumped it on their head while they were sleeping (assuming they didn't struggle much, and the jelly retained its cubic shape and didn't just squdge off the bed onto the floor). But we must consider - is murder really the single worst crime? No, my friends, it is not. And that is why I have reached the conclusion that the worst possible crime you could commit with a cubic metre of Jelly is to install it in a public gallery and call it Modern Art.

...and you shall receive*

*disclaimer: what you receive may not necessarily be related to what you asked for.

News of the day: Holly gave me an award! It is called the Honest Scrap award - I am not sure why - and as part of it you display a snazzy icon, which is below. You'll notice that this time I've posted the actual icon, not a picture of a stranger's tattooed buttocks.


The other part of it, snazzy icons aside, is that you post 10 true things about yourself. It goes without saying that I was pretty highly tempted to make some or all of them up. You can decide which ones to believe.

1. I used to share a room (in a backpackers) with a transsexual hooker. It took me a month to realise that a) she didn't really work nights in a call center and b) she was actually a man. We used to go & sing drunken karaoke with her transsexual hooker friends. She rocked.

2. I once spent three and a half hours sitting outside in a garden bar in the middle of winter with my then flatmate, smoking and drinking and playing Connect Four. It was a great night. The bar staff gave us hot water bottles and blankets, and random strangers kept rocking up & offering strategy tips & playing 'guest games.'

3. I have a minor obsession with Blue Lagoon flavoured slushies. I would love a slushie machine.

4. I have a polar fleece blankie that my cousins & aunt & uncle - what's the word for that? A branch of my family tree? A knothole of cousins? Anyway, they gave me this fleecy, baby blue blanket with teddy bears on it for Christmas, and I adore it! I wear it constantly after about 6pm, sometimes use it as a superhero cape and sulk when my mummy makes me put it in the wash because it is grubby. I realise this is slightly at odds with my badass image, but blankie love conquers all. I'm afraid of washing it too much because it will lose its fluff :(

5. I would love to have a motorbike. I'm not just saying that to restore my badass reputation, I really would like one. Mainly because at the moment I'm riding a full-grown grizzly bear, and there's just nowhere to put my Uzi. Every time I think about this (motorbike, not blatant bear/Uzi lie) I get a song called Gonna Get Me A Motorbike stuck in my head. The only lyrics I know go "Gonna get me a motorbike, get me a motorbike, everything'll be all right if I get me a motorbike...all I want in life is a motorbike." Is not true - I also want a million dollars and wouldn't mind a cigarette - but the motorbike would be a good start.

6. Sometimes I really enjoy doing hideously tedious jobs, like painting or agricultural-type stuff, because I can either focus my mind completely on the tiny details of the task at hand, or let it wander merrily off into bleak wastelands of boredom, only to find completely bizarre and/or ridiculous scenarios arising there! I find mundanity relaxing sometimes.

7. Fuck you, spellcheck, mundanity is a word. Just like this is a fact. It is a fact that this fact that mundanity is a fact is a fact.

8. When I'm tired I have a tendency to talk constantly about nothing and go off on huge tangents, regardless of whose company I'm in. I also apologise for this all the time. I get told that I apologise too much fairly often. I'm sorry about all the apologising! Wow, that was like 3 facts in 1, what a bargain you're getting. Or, alternatively; sorry for putting too many facts in & fucking up the numbering.

9. I always think that lists like this (and those questionnaires that go around every so often) would be a fun thing to do, then run out of things to add halfway through and become hugely resentful about the whole thing. Worst one of these by about 500 million percent was '50 Things I Like About Myself,' which someone tagged me in. 50 is a lot of things. I was scraping the bottom of the barrel by No. 26. ('I can make an origami dog.')

10. I can make an origami dog.

Answers to questions tomorrow! Also possibly a grapg, or even a grapg. Damn. Graph.

Oh yes I was meant to give other people that award! Zach and the lovely Baglady, I choose YOU.