Man Nearly Killed as Eel Swims in Bottom.
Here are the facts:
A Chinese fishmonger almost died after an eel swam into his bottom.
Li Chang was sitting on the edge of a tank at a warehouse in Guangzhou in southern China when he fell back into a container of live eels, The Sun newspaper reports.
The 43-year-old said he was horrified when he felt one swim up his trousers and into his anus. He said he was too embarrassed to tell anyone what had happened and continued working. But colleagues called emergency services after he collapsed.
Doctors performed a five hour surgery to remove the creature and repair the severe internal injuries caused by it moving around.
"The eel had badly injured the patient," a hospital spokesman was quoted as saying. "If he had not arrived when he did he would have died.
"We expect he will make a full recovery though."
Really? Really? As I said on Twitter and I'm sorry if you've heard it before because you are on Twitter too, I have EXTREME trouble believing that eel swam up that man's bottom all by itself.
I guess when you work with eels, "I fell in the eel tank and a clearly suicidal eel wormed its slimy way between my buttocks" is slightly more plausible than "I slipped and fell on this eel in the shower," but I'm still not buying it.
The eel. Swam up. My bottom.
IT DOES NOT SOUND VERY TRUE.
All I can say is Li Chang must have been really relaxed, as you traditionally are when you fall backwards into a tank full of eels. Either that or the eel was desperately missing its cave home (I think eels live in caves and can't be bothered looking it up) and was prepared to put up one hell of a fight in order to be in Li Chang's bottom.
Do you want to know what I think?
I think Li Chang wanted the eel to go into his bottom and put it there himself.
A mistake he is unlikely to make again.
(Also, sorry to keep mentioning eel porn.)