Wednesday, August 04, 2010

As Eel Swims In Bottom

Today I would like to share a news story with you:

Man Nearly Killed as Eel Swims in Bottom.

Here are the facts:

A Chinese fishmonger almost died after an eel swam into his bottom.

Li Chang was sitting on the edge of a tank at a warehouse in Guangzhou in southern China when he fell back into a container of live eels, The Sun newspaper reports.

The 43-year-old said he was horrified when he felt one swim up his trousers and into his anus. He said he was too embarrassed to tell anyone what had happened and continued working. But colleagues called emergency services after he collapsed.

Doctors performed a five hour surgery to remove the creature and repair the severe internal injuries caused by it moving around.

"The eel had badly injured the patient," a hospital spokesman was quoted as saying. "If he had not arrived when he did he would have died.

"We expect he will make a full recovery though."


Really? Really? As I said on Twitter and I'm sorry if you've heard it before because you are on Twitter too, I have EXTREME trouble believing that eel swam up that man's bottom all by itself.

I guess when you work with eels, "I fell in the eel tank and a clearly suicidal eel wormed its slimy way between my buttocks" is slightly more plausible than "I slipped and fell on this eel in the shower," but I'm still not buying it.

The eel. Swam up. My bottom.

IT DOES NOT SOUND VERY TRUE.

All I can say is Li Chang must have been really relaxed, as you traditionally are when you fall backwards into a tank full of eels. Either that or the eel was desperately missing its cave home (I think eels live in caves and can't be bothered looking it up) and was prepared to put up one hell of a fight in order to be in Li Chang's bottom.

Do you want to know what I think?

I think Li Chang wanted the eel to go into his bottom and put it there himself.

A mistake he is unlikely to make again.

(Also, sorry to keep mentioning eel porn.)

20 comments:

Raquel said...

Yeah I'm with you on this one. Really? I just swam right on up there? Psh.

IT IS ALLY said...

Raquel - Are you speaking from the eel's point of view, or was that a typo? On which point, that poor eel.

Raquel said...

Goodness that's a Freudian typo! I meant it, not I.

a cat of impossible colour said...

It's Richard Gere and the hamster all over again. Or whatever animal that was.

PurpleLily said...

How the hell!? What type of eel was it? I used to work at an aquarium and those suckers can get pretty big. I have heard of tiny fish swimming into a man's bits while in tropical rivers, in which case it would be -

WV: coccel (cock-el) as opposed to bum eel

slommler said...

What the heck?? Up his bottom? I don't know! But stranger things have happened.
All I can think of is how it probably felt. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Hugs
SueAnn

otherworldlyone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
otherworldlyone said...

He totally put that eel up his ass.

Why couldn't he have used a hamster like normal people that put living things up their ass? Geeze.

WV: Doinal - Totally sounds like something to do with eels up asses.

MeredithDuck said...

Haven't you heard about those things that will swim up your pee/poo holes in the amazon river? True story.

Megan said...

Sounds fishy. (could.not.resist) There was a story earlier this year about some dude passing out drunk in China and his "friends" thought it would be a good prank to put an eel up his bum. Um yeah. The eel ended up eating his bowel, and the guy died from internal injuries.
But I'm with you on the whole "oh it just swam up there all by itself" suspicion.

Michelle said...

"The 43-year-old said he was horrified when he felt one swim up his trousers and into his anus"

How does someone just stand by and let that happen to themselves?

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE...

Rob Hosking said...

I jumped into the creek with eels many times, as a kid growing up on a farm.

I can't recall any of them trying to swim up my Hersheys Highway.

I'm sure I would remember if they had.

Em said...

Mmm, my mother used to work in A&E and had many men come in because they had fallen on the vacuum cleaner hose. Just fallen on it. Amazing isn't it? Like a medical miracle...

chris.dadness said...

I thought Richard Gere went up the hamster's arse.

bluzdude said...

I guarantee you that if an eel should ever find its way into the back of my pants, it will be snapped in half from the shear force of cheek, before it would be able to pry itself into THAT particular fissure.

Anonymous said...

It sounds dubious for sure!. I wonder how big the eel was?? Check out number 3 on this list:

http://listverse.com/2010/07/05/10-truly-awful-ways-to-be-killed-by-an-animal/

Might be what MeredithDuck was referring to…

Josh said...

and now you are the second hit for "ally eel porn"

Anonymous said...

ONLY THE SECOND?

IT IS ALLY said...

Andrea - Think it was hamster. Something small and furry, anyway. Small and furry and embarrassing to get stuck in your bottom

Lily - Cock eel horrific thought!

SueAnn - I know! Hard not to imagine it, eh.

ow1 - "It was, uh, a doinal injury." I bet doctors say it all the time

Meredith - Really? Remind me never to go there.

Megan - Oh my God, what an awful way to go! Goes way beyond the customary draw-cock-on-face joke.

Michelle - Yeah. I guess you just shrug and, oh well, he's halfway in now, what can I do? :/

Rob - Same. One bit my toe once, but didn't take it any further

Em - It really is! And funnily enough, I've vacuumed many a time and never been in danger. Or the nude.

Chris - Ew. Poor hamster.

bluzdude - Truly, I marvel at your butticular fortitude. It is TOO a word.

Anon 1 - Ouch!

Josh - WHAT? Will work on that. Second not good enough. Second place is first loser!

Anon 2 - I KNOW RIGHT

Monster Girl said...

Cannot stop laughing. Rapist eels, what next?